hey guys long time no talk. ive been reading your posts and drinking in the thinspo but as usual i never feel like i have anything worthwhile to say.

ive gotten down to 96 pounds [bmi 17.0], a number i never in my life imagined id see. i never even aimed for getting under 99. the problem now is i dont know how to let myself maintain. i dont know how to not feel guilty for eating and i dont know how to stop myself trying to lose weight. im quite close to my new goal of 95 by my bday [in 1 week]. and i think i wanna go for 90 in the long run.

im in college now and i really like it. living in the dorms. often times im very very lonely. but i would be just as lonely at home so watevs, i suppose. its very strange to have no one here to make me eat. i have a very scant supply of groceries so i dont even have anything to snack on. ive basically been living off diet hot chocolate and 0cal flavored carbonated water. one of the problems is i see absolutly no point in eating when im by myself. so often times even when i want to eat i skip out on meals for the simple fact that i cannot have a meal by myself.

on the other hand tho, while im losing weight, ive also become extremly unhealthy. i used to eat only healthy foods [mostly fruits &veggies] always start off the day with only fruit, drink tons of water, never have desserts or soda. and never eat after 7. NOW i never have fruit in the house for breakfast. my roommate makes tons of amazing desserts so if i do eat, i have some bites of cake or brownie. when i go out to eat i have diet soda and im constantly dehydrated [my skin looks awful too...]. and i consume calories in the middle of the night! my roommates have offered me cookies and popcorn and cake at midnight and ive accepted! i must say, college is so unhealthy.

oh and i made the new site : http://lullaby-lexi.xanga.com/

so in my last post i said id update when i was 104. i lied, i reached that the next day and didnt update. sorry, ive gotten so dreadful at updating. anyways:

current weight=103.6 aka my new Low Weight

i feel like my scale is lying to me because i tried on size 1 pants today. they 'fit' in the sense that they went on and buttoned, but they were way tight and i muffin topped and i was straight up bawling in the dressing room. i tried on a size 3 and they were better but still way gross. how can i have lost 20 pounds and still not have gone down a size?

anyways ive made the new xanga but its empty still. trying to scrape up the modivation.....

coulda been better coulda been worse. i didnt follow my rules haha i changed em up quite a bit. results:

i only ate 1 bread unless you count half a slice of pizza. i didnt eat any pasta. i didnt eat any fish. so i followed those rules ok. however, i did order desert every day tho i mostly tried to limit myself to 3 bites. i think in a total f 7 days i ate 5 cones of frozen yogurt [24/7 ice cream bar] so judge me how you will. i ate oatmeal for breakfast once, the rest of the time fruit. i ate lots of veggies, some of them not so healthily cooked. i drank too much hot chocolate, thats the one thing im kinda dissapointed in myself for. but it was freezing inside the ship.

the only other food thing worth saying: at dinner one night i ordered a chilled strawberry bisque [soup lol]. when it came i took a few bites and asked what was in it. it was made out of freaking strawberry ice cream and whipped cream blended together. obviously i sent it back. but see what i was dealing with all week? tricks! lol

i ran everyday except for 1.

its good to be back and getting on track